This is my journal page, there's no separation between posts about actual stuff and just venting so be warned it's mostly me being sad.

it's my webpage and i'll cry if i want to ~ Lesley gore


Feeling: sleepy
Weather: hot hot hot
Listening to: Laugh & Peace - Vib Ribbon OST
Eating: N/A
Drinking: water

Slow going with the site currently because I've put aside all the things that need doing so I can focus on a really big personality quiz instead ! I'm very inexperienced with javascript so that's probably taking longer than it should but I also need to see these things thru to the end or I'll lose interest and never finish
I've been super sleepy the past few weeks because I have a body riddled with vitamin deficiencies so slow slow slowwww ... but I've been feeling chill mentally recently. My current therapist is really great and has been helping a lot

Feeling: lonely
Weather: empty night
Listening to: Microcastle - Deerhunter
Eating: N/A
Drinking: water

wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah

CHEAP MEAT
///

HAUNTED HOUSE

Feeling: good! nice! happy...?
Weather: cool wet summer day
Listening to: Hatsune Miku :)
Eating: mmmm quiche from the local farm
Drinking: water

Today's journal entry is about my pixel art!!!

I redrew the entire homepage, the last one was too big and I just recently bought aseprite and wanted to try it out (I've been using graphicsgale up until now). The biggest change for me was that aseprite kind of favours the use of a palette. I didn't use one for my first pass at the homepage pixels, but this time I started out by making one and laying out the ramps.


old version of the interior new version of the interior

Click the images to view them in their full 100% resolution Everything is displayed at 200% on the homepage i.e. every 1 pixel becomes a 2x2 pixel suqare. I did this because I wanted it to be very obviously pixel art and not have anything become lost at 100% resolution. It made it difficult to shade with the limited palette tho, because on a small scale you can jump between hues for shading and have it blend together.. but when it's double resolution the hue differences become obvious and stop being transitional. So I had to add colours to my some of my original ramps (I ended up with bascially two pink ramps by the end).
The animation of me barking is also way way better. The old one is just 2 frames (i'm sure you can tell...), whereas the new one is 7!!

don't talk to me or my son ever again
Feeling: just fine
Weather: calm night
Listening to: Sushi 4004
Eating: N/A
Drinking: water

I'm doing fine and good and ok. I never have anything to say when I feel like this. But I think it's not very nice to have every journal entry on here be very sad. I feel self conscious putting my thoughts on here, but I also really value emotional honesty. How come things take on a new meaning as soon as you share them?


Good things that have happened this year so far:
Made lots of cool internet friends for the first time :o)
Started getting support for mh and a█████
Started being creative online again

~when you leave hawaii pls clean up your trashhh~

Feeling: lost
Weather: rain at night
Listening to: N/A
Eating: N/A
Drinking: nasty ass CBD oil

I'm back and it's not because I've wormed my way back into reality, but because I've fallen completely into the stir crazy in between dimension of real life and screens. I didn't take my meds today because I'm stupid. Normally I feel several metres above myself. But recently I feel like I'm not here at all.

O B██████,
Swaddle me in a safety net.
I'm tired and I know
you don't like hugs but how about a cuddle?

I've lost touch with the reality that A███ lived in. I feel a lot of emotions about black waves but I won't equate them to that coastline. I just still miss you.
And I love you
And I love you
And I love you

Feeling: cautious
Weather: light clouds and wind
Listening to: Massive Attack - Mezzanine
Eating: N/A
Drinking: water

Working on this website has helped me a lot in that it's something for me to focus on and channel my energy into, but I'm starting to feel self conscious. Which is the opposite of what I want... So i'm going to take a break for a week or two and hope I don't lose motivation for it during that time. Probably just going to play sims 4 and make a sick as fuck house. Maybe I can post pictures of it here when I come back?

I'm making good headway in my actual life but my therapist took a big shit on it all a few days ago and now I just feel bad and weird and bad
Maybe that's why I'm feeling self conscious. Maybe I'm just shutting myself away even more by putting this site project on hold, but it's still the decision i'm making bc I'm tired and don't want to burn out on this.

It's ok to take your time

Feeling: defeated
Weather: clear blue skies
Listening to: garden birds
Eating: white chocolate and vanilla ice cream
Drinking: water

Tired tired of the same 4 walls and cycling through the same 4 screens. I feel like my lifes been on hold for a year and I've been drifting in limbo and idk what it's like to be a human being anymore. It's just bedroom and internet. I'm self conscious to write this down and seem like a massive NEET who only knows Computer, but it's kind of the truth.
Stuff is so slow to change sometimes and my head hurts most days. I'm going to see F██ in a few weeks and hopefully it'll like, water me like a plant and I'll puff up back to normal a little bit. I haven't seen him in so long. I'm really tired of screens.